Frankly, My Dear Mario
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Mario and Prof. Frankly try to deal with their social anxieties.


Mario looked down at his compass and sobbed bitter tears of utter woe. He was sad about cow milk that could not be secured within the confines of a Minecraft bucket.

"Mama mia…" Mario sadly demised through spirit. "Minecraft Steve will be my killer…"

Donkey Kong was sitting by the table with a cup of coffee wedged between his right ring toe and thumb toe. He peeked up from the periodical he was browsing and gave a look of genuine heartfelt concern.

Luigi was in the room too and was working on a sample for his new rap album. He had no time for his brother and was a bad brother because of this. Luckily, Mario understood and left his busy bro alone.

"You did a cow thing, kid?" said Professor Frankly as he mused over the dollops of Daisy Sour Cream erupting from the sides of his head. "LICK ME!"

Mario was still crying and his tears fell like dead rainbows onto the ground. "Gosh…" he stated immensely.

"I just want you to take that tongue of yours and get into my brain!" cried Frankly like a pigeon with bad business in its hindquarters.

Mario pulled out a neat fork from his back pocket and examined the true craftsmanship. "I really like it. Don't you?"

Yoshi saw the fork and liked the sight of it, but he was too cool for such petty details concerning the fine arts. He turned away from Mario like a smug, angsty teen. "You are not my dad, Mario."

"Mario is my name." Mario said this loudly, hoping Luigi would still here him over the hotcakey rapping in the other room.

"Buttz, dude!" cried Frankly as he coughed on his hoagie. "I am badly choking on this here sammich!"

"He's right…" said Yoshi with more shade getting tossed into Mario's nose.

"Why is he right?" asked DK. He all of a sudden got interested in other people's lives.

"Sammich Aran is getting a game on da Switch," detailed the young green dinosaur.

"She is a booty hunter?" wondered Mario. He stroked his goatee with muscular fingers that all the ladies thought were gorgeous. Mario thought so too. He might have to marry his own fingers.

"Alas, the hoagie is from Japan!" stated Frankly with the utmost importance.

"You have got to be joking!" roared Yoshi as he flipped DK's table over in grumpy rage.

DK took the attack on his table personally. "BUTTZ, BRUH! You jankin' my steez, boi!?" he growled as he approached Yoshi with a Banana Slamma in both hands.

"Oh! Mama mia!" cried Mario as he looked down at his pants. They had gotten dirty because Frankly was using them as a proper napkin.

"Join me on Toon Town, Mario!" said Frankly almost in tears. He desperately wanted an online buddie to bro out with on the main server.

Mario belched into Frankly's mouth as a respectable Italian sign of diligence and forthcoming. "I cannot refuse to refuse…" he said sadly. "Alas! I am already an online buddie with Cortez on Roblox!"

Frankly stepped back offended. He couldn't believe that his own Mario, that he had raised since an egg, had become such a pretty little liar. "MARIO! YOU BACKSTABBING TOOKWIPE!"

Mario felt the waterworks in his face and he started to get immense heartache to do the salsa.

"Mario! You took my heart and tore it in two!" Frankly said as he tripped over several hoagies in his stash. "Why would you even want to hang with Cortez anyway?"

"This is just like him," remarked Yoshi in a deathly rude manner. He was really getting on the nerves of good people today. Somebody should have taught him a lesson by now, but he is a hot boy and DK was the class nerd so their performances clashed too indefinitely.

"I BLEW IT! Can I start over?" announced WereKroc King K. Rool as he emerged though the window carrying a large mutton in his left claw. He appeared hungry and unsatisfied by the mutton.

"MMMM! Mutton!" said Luigi as he dashed into the room for a passing glance.

Mario's face brightened up as he saw his dearest brother. "Luigi! Do you want to play Roblox with Cortez and me?"

"I don't have time for you and your stupid face, MARIO!" growled Luigi like a panda killing an innocent tuba with a pair of pants attached to its nose. "Go eat a dunky dook, you ugly punk-clunker!"

"My brother! He-a hates me!" Mario took off his hat in respect and saluted Luigi as he escaped back to his room through another window that happened to be in the middle of the floor. "I love my brother, but he is just not being a great guy as of late!"

"Don't you see, Mario?" said Frankly with a pecan pie in his left tooth socket. "I am the Master Frankly! If you wish upon me, all your dreams will come true!"

"Mama mia!" cried Mario as he slammed a jar of peanut butter at Yoshi, accidentally breaking all of the poor dino's tongue bones. "OH! Mama mia!"

THE END


End file.
